*sigh*
Dear Edie
I don’t mean to write to you every single week. This one’s an anomaly. Just thought I’d let you know:
Sometimes I mess things up really badly.
It is in these moments that I’m tempted to count how many lives I’ve disappointed by my mistakes and the trail of destruction I’ve left behind. Wrongs that I don’t know how to remedy.
It’s quite depressing, and I’m left crying out to God for help.
Please pray for me, Edie. I’d appreciate it.
grace (lots of it needed)
Reflecting on Friendship
Dear Edie,
It has been more than one year since I last wrote. Forgive me. I know, if you read my blog, I say the same words all over and over again. I’ve never really gotten into a habit of writing often - not on my blog or journal, much less to you. I’ve received your countless letters about how you’re doing and your words of encouragement despite the fact that I hardly tell you what’s going on in my life. Perhaps, God’s giving you some revelation.. haha
I passed my CLP exams. That’s almost old news, and I figured that by reading my blog, you would have found out by now. Just thought I’d let you know. I’m still unattached, and there’s a long story to it. But I won’t bore you with details. Maybe over dinner, when you come back from the land far far away.
Nevermind the juicy stories. God’s been doing much in my life over the past year - from teaching, to cell leading, to missions, etc. He’s been wonderful and faithful throughout.
There are those difficult times when you tremble and shake because there are important things to discuss - whether work-related or on a relational aspect - and I think those were some of the tougher moments of my life. I remember in January when I received a ‘lecturer assessment report’ and had to face criticism of my teaching and struggling through that. And I’ll tell you this: God has been awesome. You know that verse in the Bible that says “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me”? Sure, it wasn’t the “valley of the shadow of death”, but even then, He was with me. He didn’t lift me up and away from the valley, but He walked with me and brought me through it.
Just the other day, I had to sit down over supper with a friend to talk through some really difficult relationship issues and clear things up. Sharing of our own experience and trying to think of the right words was difficult. And over the past week, that has been exactly what we’ve been working on. Each one trying to come to terms in their own journey with God, asking Him “so what now?” and learning to surrender.
You know that friendships that go this far, and are surrendered to God are awesome ones. And wherever God leads these friendships, we pray that He be glorified. I can probably count on my fingers how many of my friends have come to that level with me - where we are concerned about what God wants in our relationships and how we learn to support one another to achieve His will for our lives - guys and girls alike.
And you know, that’s part of the joy I’ve experienced the past year. Building wholesome relationships with people that I can spur on in their journey and who have encouraged me in mine. Yours included, but of course, we started a little further back in time. And God hasn’t disappointed us, I’m sure.
I know I’m not the best friend around. Many times, I get the words wrong, or I misunderstand, or say the right things at the wrong time. I have to learn to eat some humble pie, realise my error and learn from it to be a better friend. But that’s just it, ’cause what we do is but a reflection of the perfection that God has set in His friendship with us. So I strive to be like Him.
I think I’ll pen off for now. Hope you’re getting along well. Waiting for you to come back!
grace
Kurnia-sa?
A year ago, I started a category called “Who’s the Culprit?”. It was supposed to be a category where I would blog on mistakes that are so prevalent in society that I wonder to myself, “who’s the culprit?”.
Since that revolutionary day in June 2007, nothing happened. Until a friend left a comment, and I thought, “oops, I forgot”.
And in keeping in line with my thrice-a-week plan, I thought I’d better blog with guns blazing. So, here’s Mistake No. 1:
The Negaraku is the famed anthem of the nation of Malaysia. It has been a staple weekly song in schools throughout the country. And it is a beautiful one; a challenging one too, if you read the words carefully. It has also been made into a famous rap piece, something I personally found absolutely insulting and distasteful. Despite whatever one feels about a country’s governance or its people, the very symbols of its honour - its anthem and flag - should never be disgraced. Much like how a flag can never touch the ground or be hung upside down *ahem ahem*.
Anyway, the mistake I shall highlight here is, as far as I understand, not intentional. Here it is:
Correct line: Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan (May God endow joyous blessing. Or something like that.)
Oddly incorrect line: Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurnia-sa (Only God knows what it means, if any)
This is perhaps only familiar to those who have grown up in national schools. And even then, from my experience talking with a few friends, it doesn’t happen in all schools. What happens is that when the anthem is sung, the line above is the climax of the song. And it is most obvious when instead of “kan”, someone sings “SAAAAA…” at the top of his lungs.
And that catches me off guard. Constantly. I mean, what on earth is he singing?
So, who’s the culprit? I don’t know. The closest guess that I’ve come across is this: some of those who sing the anthem wrongly come from Chinese-medium schools. Perhaps a difficulty in accent or pronunciation of words causes an unintentional slip-up in the pronunciation of ‘kurniakan’. This was not remedied at the start and has continued to this day. Top that off with the idea that the younger students think that it is the correct way of singing it and you have perpetuated and “oops” legacy.
I may be ENTIRELY WRONG. And even if I’m right, there may be 101 exceptions to the general rule. So I’m asking you:
1. Have you noticed it sung wrongly as I’ve mentioned? and
2. If you have, do you have any idea why it is sung like that?
If you do have better things to do in life, it’s OK not to answer. Just thought I’d make sure we learn to nip it in the bud as far as this problem is concerned. Or we’ll spent years of unlearning. And of course, singing it wrongly means you never understood the anthem anyway. Which is really sad, because it’s one of the best anthems I’ve heard.
Negaraku
Tanah tumpahnya darahku
Rakyat hidup bersatu dan maju
Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita selamat bertakhta
Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita selamat bertakhta
Some Sort of Resolve
Selamat Hari Raya to my Muslim friends. I love you all.
So, it is the 1st of October. And like many of my past blog entries, I have come to a resolution. This has been partly inspired by my short reading of Jacqueline Ann Surin’s Shape of a Pocket, that I was browsing in a bookshop near an LRT station.
I resolve.. *ahem*.. to blog more often.
I know, I know. I’ve done this before. And it’s not the best type of resolution - since it’s not measurable. I’m sorry. Can I try again?
Thanks
I resolve.. *ahem*.. to blog thrice a week. There we go.
In the meantime, enjoy the rendang!
Quoting
You know someone’s got nothing to blog about when:
1. He doesn’t blog much (or at all, actually), and
2. He blogs about what other people are blogging.
So yes, here are my favourite quotes from my blogosphere. If you see the dates on which the posts I quoted were written, you’d also realise I haven’t been blog-reading much either.
Quote No. 1:
This is an entire blog entry by a church friend and fellow servant in the college students’ ministry. It is one year late, but hey, works out all the same. Fay wrote 50+1 reasons why I *heart* Malaysia, in conjunction with a small campaign I was doing last year (see the I *heart* Malaysia category on the right of this blog) in line with Malaysia’s 50th Independence Day.
Some reasons that I think are excellent include:
(a) the very many pathways a durian may take to enter the stomach
(b) our local artistes
(c) her sister - apparently a sportswoman, if I read it right
(d) a toilet that charges RM5 per entry, and
(e) the squat toilet
I know, it sounds like my selection is rather lopsided in the gross areas. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Oops.
Quote No. 2:
From my merciful (but merciless ping pong player) blogger brother. He asked his readers what they would stand for, and this is what he said:
I stand for Malaysia. Every bit and every part of it. Surely i do not want to live in a perfect country, because there is nothing that we can learn from there. But i love Malaysia, as much as i would love my friends. Despite the “wonderful” political situations that are going on, I rather grateful and would clearly acknowledge my country as “Politik yang stabil” (like in our geography textbook)
I stand for what is right. Yes i fail many times, but if it isn’t right, it isn’t right. But if we do not stand for what is right? who will? If we complain that Malaysian police are corrupt, and we ourselves act corruptly, we are not standing for what is right!
I stand for God. Yes! i believe that there is a God among us. It may be totally of logic at times, but that’s the point! Faith, might mean belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. But guess what? If everything about God was logical and rational, come on, everyone could then become God la! Which is impossible! That’s why there are so many unexplainable things about God that cannot be answered, because God is God, He is someone, no one can fully comprehend.
I stand for unity. Racial tolerance has always been our prime asset for our country. But guess what? its not enough. Racial unity is something i just recently learned, and it is something that is more important that racial tolerance. To be united among races, means not only to tolerate, but to care. The most simplest example is, when we mock other races. Yes, that is totally unacceptable. To be united, means we DO NOT mock and joke about other races. To be united, means that we help each other through difficult times, ie car accident. Don’t stop only when you see the same race involved! Let me tell you what racial unity is like. Misbun Sidek and Lee Chong Wei. No, despite them having a coach-student relationship, its way more than that, they care, they console each other when loses surface, they are always with each other no matter where, when. That’s what racial unity is all about.
Malaysia, be proud of this child of yours.
Of course, I’m sure he’ll permit you to a reading of the 8 aspects of his perfect lover too.. haha.
Well, that’s a wrap.
As for me, I’m just sitting in front of the computer quoting other people.
End of a Mile
Today marks the last day of my job as a lecturer/tutor, at least for the time being. I have arrived at yet another milestone.
Two years of teaching students of all ages, from teeny-boppers to retired grandfathers, have left an indelible mark in my mind and heart.
Yes, there have been the trials and difficulties, the occasion of self-doubt, the criticism and the moments where I have been left dumbfounded on the pulpit in the middle of class. And yet, those very same classes are witnesses of innumerable moments of brilliance and enlightening teacher-pupil interaction.
Perhaps a teacher’s success is measured by the legacy he or she leaves with a student. Hopefully, they have left my class with something deeper than merely what the law says or is.
Not forgetting my compatriots, some seasoned, some fledglings, who have stood by me, behind me and in front of me throughout this journey that I have taken for two years. Rarely a source of mental/physical discomfort, they have been a great encouragement and altogether wonderful friends.
And what of the road ahead? God has brought me this far. I am sure He will walk me through it all.
Kinabalu (x2)
You know you’re a prodigal when people end up asking your brother when you would resume blogging, or when you get smses from people asking what’s wrong with you, or - and this is a first for me - an old friend whom you have not seen for 5 years tells you that he has been reading your blog and your failure to blog has been “disappointing” (thanks, Roger).
So yes, being fully convicted of my prodigal status, I have returned.
Hopefully, I won’t leave the nest too fast, too soon.. again.
Anyway, here’s what I’ve been up to:
Yes. Mount Kinabalu. I’m the one in the yellow suit and the one with the headlights is a good friend of mine and former Christian Fellowship president, Edmund. His first time, my second. We, together with a team of 13 other CF members and friends, braved the strong winds and rain to reach the summit. Makes the climb this time much sweeter than the first, since the latter was done in perfect weather.
The view is, as you can see, white. Couldn’t see anything from the peak unlike my first climb. But what mattered, and which was what I observed, was the sheer determination of my friends to reach the peak despite the odds - altitude sickness, freezing cold, wet, shivering, vomiting, muscle cramp, headache, etc. Not to mention the howling wind and the 1-metre visibility all the way to the top.
But we made it, and I am very proud of them.
I finish my academic career by the end of this month, and will soon embark on pursuing a legal career. Teaching will take a back seat, marking assignments will be missed, and spending time with students (like on this mountain climbing expedition) will be a precious commodity. But I am glad to have been a part of their lives, even if it was only for half a class, and to see them grow, mature and develop as persons and as children of God.
Goodness, I sound like my dad *slap, slap*
Anyway, the prodigal has returned.
Meme-ness (2)
Contrary to popular thinking, I am NOT on a roll of meme-answering. Well, for now. This one came from a cell member, so here are my answers:
Starting time: 12:38am (while waiting for the Euro 2008 finals)
Name: why, yarn?
Sisters: 0
Brothers: 2
Shoe size: 10 (or about there)
Height: 166cm (last I checked. Apparently, I’m still growing *stares dreamily*)
Where do you live? Right here
Favourite drinks: There’s that 7-level teh c peng in Kuching…
Favourite breakfast: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Have you ever been on a plane? Yup.
Swam in the ocean? Yup.
Fallen asleep at school? Yup.
Broken someone’s heart? Yeah, I’m sure that has happened before. And hopefully at some point in my life, I have apologised.
Fell off your chair? Yup. How can anyone have a proper childhood without falling off the chair?
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? Talked, yes. Wait? Can’t remember.
Saved e-mails? Yup. Gmail rocks
What is your room like? Looks just like a room.
What is right beside you? My bed. My good ol’ bed.
What is the last thing you ate? Food. Hey, people eat weird stuff these days. I just eat food. Food, real food.
Ever had chicken pox? Yup.
Sore throat? Have you seen a lecturer who has never had any? Yes, I have had sore throats. And mum’s homemade remedy that works all the time.
Stitches? Yup, and a scar to prove it.
Broken nose? Nope.
Do you believe in love at first sight? If I did, I’d be mocking the blind. No, I absolutely don’t.
Like picnics? Not really. But I have had good picnics before.
Who was the last person you danced with? Her name was…. (hey, quit guessing!)
Last made you smile? Anthony Bourdain. That sarcastic food dude.
You last yelled at? Myself. It was an internal ‘yelling’.
Today, did you:
Talk to someone you like? It has only been an hour into ‘today’.
Kissed anyone? Nope.
Get sick? Nope.
Talk to an ex? Former cell member, yeah. Not like anything turns on those facts, by the way.
Miss someone? Yeah, I’d say so.
Eat? Yes. Thanks for the concern.
Best feeling in the world: For me so far, it would be hearing a ‘thank you’ from a dear friend of mine.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals? What for? I AM one stuffed animal.
What’s under your bed? Monsters. Huge ones with blood-curdling figures and spine-chilling voices. And a lot of dust.
Who do you really hate? The devil?
What time is it now? You’re keeping track? It’s 1:06am
Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now? Yeah
Do you want children? Enough for a football team, yes. But I don’t mind settling for less, like a sepak takraw team.
Do you smile often? I think so. But I am serious often too. *smiles seriously*
Do you like your handwriting? Yeah.
Are your toe nails painted? Yup, with the colour God gave it.
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in? I love roughing it out where there are no beds. Like in the longhouses.
What colour shirt are you wearing now? I think there are more subtle ways of stalking.
What were you doing at 7pm yesterday? Sleeping
I can’t wait till…: God says, “Alright, go ahead.”
When did you cry last? Last Friday night, at the College United Zone monthly meeting.
Are you a friendly person? I think so.
Do you have any pets? Nope.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now? Somewhere in her house.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now? Of course! Not in that romantic sense, but in the comradeship sense.
Do you sleep with the TV on? Good question. That just might happen today, if Germany and Spain play boring football.
What are you doing right now? Like I said, there are subtle ways of stalking. But this is a no-brainer. I’m answering a meme.
Have you ever crawled through a window? I’m sure I have.
Can you handle the truth? I will learn to.
Are you too forgiving? Can anyone ever be?
Are you closer to your mother or father? Badly worded question. Yes, I am closer to my mother AND father, over the years.
Who was the last person you cried in front of? God
How many people can you say you’ve really loved? None. Not with the measure of love required of me and expended by my Heavenly Father.
Do you eat healthy? Who or what is ‘healthy’? I don’t eat ‘healthy’. Never heard of him/her/it.
Do you still have pictures of you and your ex? Wrong assumption, sorry.
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? Yup.
If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? Unwisely enough, no one. but I’m working on it - telling someone.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time? I think I’ve mastered the art of creating a loud silence, a silence that speaks volumes.
Are you confident? Generally, yes. Doubts would still ring in my head, but simultaneously, I do feel intense desire to go ahead.
5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. Started serving in ministry (it’s been 10 years! Wow!)
2. Won 2nd place for a ’show and tell’ speech competition in school
3. Began my prefectorial ‘career’
4. Learnt the drums and bass guitar.
5. Carried a friend on a stretcher for the first time, in a real emergency.
5 things on my to-do list today:
1. Fill up the car petrol tank.
2. Eat dinner with a good friend
3. Type some notes
4. Prepare to watch a great football game
5. Memorise a portion of the Good Book
5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Heong peng
2. Biscuits
3. Mamee
4. Pringles
5. Fruits
5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Set up that university I was dreaming of.
2. Travel the world
3. Bless a community
4. Invest the money
5. Become a ’space traveller’
5 of my bad habits:
1. Biting my fingernails
2. Procrastinating
3. Cracking my knuckles
4. Dig for gold
5. Stroke my head (especially when the hair’s especially short)
5 places I have lived in:
1. Kuala Lumpur
2. Kuching, Sarawak
3. Pasadena, California
4. Bintulu, Sarawak
5. My house
5 jobs I’ve had:
1. Carwashboy
2. Attachment student at 2 law firms
3. Lecturer
4. House cleaner
5. (None)
Meme-ness
This is the first time I’m going to answer a meme (after never doing for such a long time) because I was asked to take up a cross that my good friend BK took up. Anyway, for a good friend, here goes:
1. Were you named (after) anyone?
Not quite. I was named after a phrase that a lawyer once wrote: “Grace and peace to you from God out Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”
My name, Wai Nyan, literally means “great grace” in Cantonese. And that lawyer, my theological role model, was Paul.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Last Friday. Because of something that lawyer said in 1 Corinthians 2, and with which I was convicted.
3. Do you like your handwriting?
This is interesting. You should ask my students (some of whom read this blog). I personally don’t mind, but my whiteboard handwriting has been said to be small, and sometimes unreadable.
4. What is your favourite lunchmeat?
You mean there’s dinnermeat and lunchmeat? And breakfastmeat? I’d probably go for pork/fish. Chicken sometimes.
5. Do you have kids?
Officially, no. Unofficially, no too. But there was this one girl who came up to me last weekend and said “Happy Father’s Day!” Only God knows what I’ve done….
6. Would you be friends with you?
I’d suppose I don’t mind having Wai Nyan as a friend.
7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Well, I got attacked on the blog before for being misread whilst attempting sarcasm. I don’t suppose I use it a lot. Yeah, right.
8. Do you still have tonsils?
“Should do, unless aliens took them away” - BK, to which I say “right on!”
9. Would you bungee jump?
Would you pay for it? It is an interesting prospect, though. Would love to, yeah.
10. What is your favourite cereal?
CSI (all three versions). Oh wait, that’s serial. I’d go for rice. That’s a cereal, right?
11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Nope.
12. Do you think you are strong?
I just saw a guy lift 11kgs with his tongue, and another guy lift 40kgs with his two little ‘pinky’s. No, I am not strong.
13. What is your favourite ice-cream?
McDonald’s cone sundae. You get them at RM 0.50 every first day of the month.
14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Their spirituality.. *slap*.. ok ok.. their general demeanour and appearance.
15. Red or pink?
Red.
16. What is your least favourite thing about yourself?
My ruffle-no-feathers character.
17. Who do you miss the most?
This is not surprising. But crudely speaking, I rarely miss anybody. There was this friend though, whom I really hoped would come back to Malaysia, but God has him set on a different path.
18. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing?
All blacks
19. What was the last thing you ate?
Breakfast
20. What are you listening to right now?
My fingers tapping on the keyboard, and oh, the sound that Gmail makes when someone types something in the chat window.
21. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
For consistency’s sake, red.
22. Favourite smells?
The smell of food. Ahhhhh….
23. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Mum.
24. Favourite sports to watch?
(In order of preference) Football, badminton, and somewhere at the bottom of the list, curling. Just for laughs.
25. Hair colour?
Black
26. Eye colour?
Black, I think.
27. Do you wear contacts?
Nope.
28. Favourite food?
Usually anything with meat in it. I mean, the normal, non-exotic meats.
29. Scary movies, or happy endings?
A non-scary movie without a necessarily happy ending. Like Million Dollar Baby.
30. Last movie you watched?
Some movie on the Hallmark Channel - Mystery Woman.
31. What colour T-shirt are you wearing?
I’m not wearing any T-shirt right now.
32. Summer or winter?
How discriminating! Aren’t there areas in the world where there is neither summer nor winter nor spring nor fall? It’s good weather here today though.
33. Hugs or kisses?
Depends from who.
34. Favourite dessert?
McDonald’s cone sundae. RM 0.50 every first day of the month!
35. What book are you reading now?
Les Miserables, for the longest time. Its been probably more than a year!
36. What is on your mousepad?
My finger.
37. What did you watch on TV last night?
The Oprah Winfrey Show.
38. Favourite sounds?
The vowels - a, e, i, o, u. What would the English and Malay language be without them?!?
39. Beatles, or Rolling Stones?
I’d prefer rolling stones than seeing beetles.
40. What is the farthest you’ve ever been from home?
England
41. Do you have a special talent?
What, you think I’m normal? Yes, I can roll my tongue.. upside down, creating an ‘n’, rather than just a ‘u’.
*phew!*
Dreams
An inspiring idea hit me the other day. I was on the LRT, staring at the roads and buildings as I passed them by, when a still small voice spoke:
“Go, and found a university”
If you’re going “what?”, yeah, so did I. I mean, found a university? Are you nuts? But the more I allowed the idea to germinate on my journey to work, the more I felt that it was some kind of calling. Which is weird.
As the idea developed during the 10 minutes that I spent thinking about it, I realised that this ‘university’ would not be huge. It would not be a product of extensive and intensive marketing. It would develop in piecemeal fashion. And its focus would be mentoring.
The university would be managed by a board of trustees, not shareholders. It will, of course, conduct academic programmes, but also focus on individual development - training college-age youth to be politically aware, spiritually mature, physically fit and mentally strong.
It will be a non-profit labour of love.
I think the major influences for the idea came from an impacting Oprah Winfrey episode I watched the other day, on men giving back to their community and their people, coupled with the L’Abri concept, founded by Francis Schaeffer and his wife decades ago.
Well, the idea is still germinating. Any takers?
Another opportunity seems to be opening up, this time in setting up and running a organisation focused on youth development.
I’m telling you, something is happening within the coming weeks that I think is going to change my life.
